i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
