You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
