what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
