remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
