hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
