did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
