I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
