every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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