She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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