I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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