I must be too annoying 4 u.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
