Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
