I cockslap morals
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
