hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
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Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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