It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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