Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he was CRYING into my vagina
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
