I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
