I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
