I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
don't judge my taste in strippers
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
