At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
