no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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