I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
