fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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