so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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