My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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