so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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