Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
