Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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