Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
