HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
