U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
