Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
