Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
