remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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