so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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