I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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