***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass