just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.