I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.