There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?