If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
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I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.