What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You are a genius and a whore.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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