I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
