i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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