im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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