i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
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