You're so nebulous sometimes
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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