I will die if light touches me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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