the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
