he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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