At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
