will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
