She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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