It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
