Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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