Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
