It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
