I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
