sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i came on her dog
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
