I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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