You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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