We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
