fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
