Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
