yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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