you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
