Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
