Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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