We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
