I want to have your abortion
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just tell him i said nine months
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
