Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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