He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
