:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
