I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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