I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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