i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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