They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
